but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize