All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
