that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
