I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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