false alarm. still invincible.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
