You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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