he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
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