someone get that fucking seahorse.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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