a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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