All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
