butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
