The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
