How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We need to rekindle our bromance
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
