Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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