I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
