Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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