his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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