I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
