my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
