Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
