God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
