Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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