i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
