its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
