3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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