apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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