We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
