people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
