I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
