Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
