I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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