did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
