I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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