What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
