Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
