Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
