she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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