I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
