Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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