Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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