I wish I only lived at night.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have already put on my inside pants.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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