New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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