Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize