how can u be prego again
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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