I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
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Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
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That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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