Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
