True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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