Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
