About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
