We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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