I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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