doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I didn't shave. On purpose
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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