Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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