My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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