Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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