Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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