I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
