Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
