There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
