Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
