words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
