Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
