just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wish I only lived at night.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
