don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
