u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
