I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
