Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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