About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
