we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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