everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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