I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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