I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
