he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Panties = found
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
